How to Get Over a Breakup and Find Inner Peace

How do you get over a breakup and find inner peaceGetting over a breakup or emotional upset to find inner peace is important to learn because when you are stressed, anxious or depressed, you are more likely to use food and/or drugs to cope with your negative emotions. This often leads to weight gain and addictions. I know this from personal experience struggling with compulsive overeating for over 10 years -- but now I use healthy techniques to cope with my emotions like the ones I describe below.  

How Do You Get Over a Breakup?

The techniques that I describe below can be applied to anything that causes emotional upset. Getting over a break up with your loved one is one example. When I once had a break up in my younger days, there was a waterfall of tears and heartache and I asked myself, "How can I find inner peace?". An answer came back: "Get in your car and drive to Colorado." So I did.

First I drove to Canon City, CO to get some thrills on the class 3 and 4 rapids on a Royal Gorge whitewater rafting trip. Then I spent a lot of time hiking in the Rocky Mountain National Park and sitting by waterfalls.

I wish I could tell you that the trip was absolutely wonderful and I was happy and had inner peace the entire time. However, you've heard the saying, "Wherever you go, there you are." The truth is, despite the amazing change of beautiful scenery, I had not managed to leave my ego** behind in Michigan. (
**Eckhart Tolle, spiritual author, defines the ego as the false self, created by unconscious identification with the mind and the negative emotions that result in that identification.)

Even as I walked in the beautiful surroundings with rushing waterfalls and majestic mountains, the voice in my head would not shut up and went something like this:

How can I find inner peace? Oh, look at the beautiful waterfall. The roar of the rushing water is so powerful......My God I can't believe another failed relationship. (Tears welling up in the eyes.) Getting over a break up is the hardest thing to do. Don't cry for the 20th time today. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Focus on the trees. Focus on anything but your broken heart."

In an attempt to distract myself from the tears, I put my hands on a nearby tree and focused on how solid and steady it was. I took more deep breaths and reminded myself, I needed to emulate the tree and develop a core foundation of fortitude and calm inner strength.

Later on during the hike, the sad thoughts and emotions came back into my head. This time, I stuck my feet in a cold mountain stream of 45 degrees.

The temperature shock pulled me out of the emotional spiral and forced me to focus on my numbing feet. I breathed deep and stared at the swirling currents in the water and once again I felt completely calm and clear and at peace.

It occurred to me more than ever on this trip, how our thoughts determine our emotions. Every time my ego focused on my ex and all the negative emotions associated with him, I wanted to sob uncontrollably.

And when I was able to switch my thoughts to being in the moment, focusing on beauty and the scenery and my breath, I felt absolute peace. Being an observer of this roller coaster enabled me to pull out of the nosedive rather quickly every time my ego wanted to dwell on the negative.

My hope is that by sharing this experience with you, you can look at your own life and begin to observe when your ego takes you into an emotional spiral.

Unless you are a fully realized enlightened saint, your thoughts and emotions can often be negative because the human ego wants to be negative because it is always coming from a place of fear instead of love.

Your higher self, your spirit, and heart prefers inner peace, being in the now, and can peacefully observe whatever happens in life and still be at peace within.

It can feel like a struggle between a devil on your shoulder and an angel on the other but monitoring your thoughts and observing your ego reactions and then choosing to be in the here and now is the way to consciousness and inner peace (according to the books I've read by Eckhart Tolle and other spiritual authors I respect.)

It is also very helpful to spend time in nature when you're feeling upset. Take off your socks and shoes to feel grounded to the Earth and to absorb all the negative ions from the ground that help calm the emotions. Focus on a leaf or a blade of grass and push aside the worry about the past or future to just be present.

Kendra Pearsall

PS: Other techniques for how to get over a breakup include: journaling, Emotional Freedom Technique (I'll write more on this later), spiritual reading, prayer and talking, and spending time with friends and family.

PSS: For more information on learning to be in the now, I recommend Eckhart Tolle's Tolle's: A New Earth and The Power of Now.



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About the Author:
Dr. Kendra Pearsall, N.M.D. is a Naturopathic Medical Doctor specializing in natural weight loss and food addiction. She created to help millions of people achieve optimal health, natural weight loss and life success with her free weekly e-newsletter (sign up at the top of this page.)